What are you saying to yourself, because you are listening
We often feel hurt or confused by how others have treated us or what they have said. How often do we really pay attention to the things we say to ourselves because we are listening.
We all have an internal voice, now, it can be kind and considerate, or it can be not kind and really affect our confidence and self-belief.Often, we aren't even aware of it consciously as it natters away in the background, BUT our unconscious mind is listening, and just what is it we are telling ourselves?
'I don't belong here; I'm not good enough.''
You would be amazed how many people you would view as successful have this wee voice in their head doubting their success and wondering when the tap on the shoulder will come, and they will hear.
''You don't belong here; we made a mistake.''
Sadly sometimes people have been cruel to us, and the echo of their cruelty still resonates in our head, to a point we pick it up and start being cruel to ourselves.
Words can hurt as much as physical blows. Choose carefully what you say to yourself as you are listening.
''If only I had said this…''
How many times do we find ourselves in situations where someone has said something to us which has left us feeling small or hurt? Then later, once the situation has passed, we have this great idea of what we should have said or done, and this goes round and round in our head, often resulting in more self-criticism?
"Oh, I didn't do that today.''
How often before falling asleep do we congratulate ourselves on what we have achieved that day? Or, do we find ourselves focusing on what we didn't do?
The truth is, there is rarely enough time to do all the things we want or need to do, so do we focus on what we did or what we still need to do.
Congratulating yourself on a job well done can make you feel more motivated for the jobs still to be done.
When we decide that certain conditions need to be in place for things to be better, sometimes, it can be a long time before these conditions are in place, if ever. How often do we have an internal chatter about what we don't like, aren't happy with?
Does this motivate or inspire?
How much better could this be if we had an internal chat about what we appreciated about life. Learning to appreciate simple things can do a lot to improve our happiness quotient.
''They won't like me, they won't listen, this is a waste of time…..''
How often do we get ready to go somewhere, start a new job, class or hobby, go to a meeting, and have already decided it's going to be awful.
Now it may be we have experiences of other situations which didn't go to plan which has affected our view, but decided this is a waste of time before we even start? Does this bode well for a positive outcome?
''If only I were slimmer if only my nose were smaller if only my hair were thicker……''
Our body image can also be affected by our self-talk, looking in a mirror, and wanting to see a different reflection, rather than seeing the beautiful, unique human being you already are.
We have put together a wee video offering some insights into our inner voice and a tips sheet for developing a kinder inner voice.
This is general advice that may be helpful for you to consider in being kinder to yourself. Sometimes, things happen in our lives requiring more formal support, e.g., cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
This is a wee tip for a wellness blog, not a replacement for professional advice. If you need to find out more about services near you, then ask your GP or if you live in Scotland, perhaps visit www.aliss.org ALISS (A Local Information System for Scotland) is a service to help you find help and support close to you when you need it most.